April 2009
10 posts
since the last time i wrote, she and i met up once
just real quick to exchange some things we still had.
it was much less awkward than it could have been.
and she just sent me an email. we should have the money stuff cleared by tomorrow.
and the email is nice too.
i’m going to call this tumblr closed, i think. things with her are going to be ok, and things with me are ok. thanks so so so much for everything. you all really helped me a...
she'll have the money soon.
heykurt:
diaryofabreakup:
her roommate for next year finally has it.
i’m so excited to get this all done with.
Dude, you’d make the worst pimp. Just sayin’
That’s entirely fair.
she'll have the money soon.
her roommate for next year finally has it.
i’m so excited to get this all done with.
sent it. thanks for the feedback guys.
I just wrote this. I may or may not send it as is....
Please don’t. That wasn’t an attack and you know it. I asked because I’m not part of whatever is immediately happening so I don’t know if there’s something happening or not. That’s all. And I know you’ll get it sorted out. I have been incredibly nice about all of this and I hope you know that. I’ve barely said anything about any of it. I...
she just wrote back
she’s writing like she’s terribly offended that i would ask about what’s going on with my fucking money.
I’ve been incredibly nice about all this and I’m done.
I wrote her a couple days ago. I haven't heard...
I wish she would make this easier.
I’ll have to try again next week.
i still haven't written her.
i need to. it’s just so much easier not to.
March 2009
42 posts
i have to email her again on april 1st.
i need to pay first months rent on may 1st and it’s getting ridiculous waiting for this money. i can’t wait any more. i don’t want to be pushy, but jesus christ. it’s my 700-odd dollars and this is something she said she’d take care of.
If she showed up right now and asked me to come...
I wouldn’t.
It sounds so obvious, but I couldn’t be with someone who would break up with me.
that being said, I’m sure she wouldn’t do that because I still trust that she did what was best for her. And having her unhappy wouldn’t have been right for me.
I’m where I should be.
what i want more than anything
is for both of us to be happy. whatever that entails.
sent
i think this is what i'll email back. i'm gonna...
Hi, I was going to email you today actually. Just to check in. I had a nice time at home. It was good to get away. I signed a lease Monday for a place for next year. Luckily, this place didn’t need as much money for a deposit, so it wasn’t a problem. I’m sure you’re doing whatever you can about that. I do appreciate it. I haven’t heard back either. We’ll get it...
she emailed me first
she was just telling me there was nothing to tell me about the money.
i’m going to email her back so she doesn’t think i’m stonewalling her.
i really don’t have any more anger toward her.
tomorrow
i’m going to have to email her. i haven’t talked to her at all since her drunk call.
honestly, it’s been nice not having to concern myself with it.
i have to get this money shit worked out though. it’s almost 800$ and i have no idea when i’m getting it back.
signed a lease today
and i bought condoms.
i feel like these are significant steps.
i think if i saw her now
i would just say hi and move on.
yay for all the couples!
molls:
deliriousmuch:
Shoot me.
THAT RIGHT THERE IS THE PROBLEM! STOP IT! STOP IT! MY 23 YEAR OLD SELF IS YELLING AT YOU TO STOP IT!
Just chill. Get really busy. Stop wanting or needing a boyfriend. Spend less time showering and doing make up, even if you already only shower 4 times a week and just wear mascara. I have never dated anyone worth dating unless it was inconvenient for me because I...
i was a damn good boyfriend.
Someday, Sweetheart - Leon Redbone
things i want to say
the last few weeks we were together you treated me terribly.
i thought we were best friends and but a best friend wouldn’t have treated me the way you did.
i know you did this because there was something wrong between us, but as soon as you felt there was something wrong you should have talked to me about it. every time you shrugged me off, you were lying to me.
that hurt me more than...
when we meet about the money
onemoretimewithfeeling:
diaryofabreakup:
hopefully soon
i’m going to try and talk about what happened. i’m trying not to feel like i need to know, but i think i need it.
You’re going to do what you want, but I would like to say…this is just not a good idea. I know you want closure or whatever, but I’ve been on both sides. From her perspective you’ll just appear clingy and desperate; and...
when we meet about the money
hopefully soon
i’m going to try and talk about what happened. i’m trying not to feel like i need to know, but i think i need it.
i took her off my buddy list.
one less constant update on what she’s doing.
i still can’t help looking at her facebook though. i really wish i could stop.
i wish i knew she felt as shitty as she made me feel.
and that seems so selfish, but i can’t help feeling that way. and i don’t want to make her feel bad. i just want her to feel bad. i want her to feel bad because she hurt me and i never hurt her.
had a long conversation with a friend last night.
i don’t know if i feel better or worse about it, but i’m glad we talked.
i'm looking for "fuck it, i'm better than this...
i'm home now.
i just wrote over her initials on my wall.
fuck it. move on.
tumblsecrets:
“I really wish I could love him, for his sake. And mine.”
i really wish she could love me.
part of me wishes i still had those things, but i know i’m better without them and i don’t regret throwing them out.
a comment on the post about throwing out things...
“why did you do that? did you do it to forget about her cos it hurt? i’m curious cos my ex did the same thing and i wanna know why…”
it was a cleansing thing. some of what i threw out were letters. she told me how much she loved me and was in love with me and even if she meant it then, they would remind me that now she doesn’t feel that way. and it would be hard...
i wish i didn't know she was having fun, you know?
it’s just me being selfish and i don’t really want her to not have fun, but fuck.
it’s amazing how things that made me feel so good can make me feel so bad.
just threw out a bunch of stuff she gave me.
and that decision doesn't make me happy, but i...
at first i was trying to work really hard to be...
i think it was really because i thought it was a way to avoid losing her.
but now i’ve had time to think about it, i know i’m going to need a lot of time.
i know that she hurt me so so bad and honestly i’m not ready to forgive her and i don’t know when i will be.
she treated me really terribly toward the end and then she took a lot away from me and as far as i know i...
I’m having a really good day.
hippybroblogs:
lickystickypicky:
I saw a picture of the guy I was ridiculously in love with. (Yes, I was that in love.) I think I can now safely say “was”. I stared at the picture and could see all the imperfections that a year ago I could not see. Maybe it was just a tactic of my brain, to not feel the heartache. I sure hope I am over him.
But then again I just know that if I happen to see...
i'm going to try and put a deposit down on...
i want to get it done before i leave town for spring break.
thursday is the soonest i can get the money from my family.
i wish i could have just gotten this money back from the other apartment in time.
i feel bad taking more money from my family.
things are going to be ok, right?
semianonymous:
(via diaryofabreakup)
silly, of course.
thank you
things are going to be ok, right?
i dreamt about her last night.
i dreamt i was in her house. i was sneaking around for some reason.
she came home with some other people and i hid. she was talking to them. she said something about her honeymoon. i stormed out from my hidng place and left. there was some kind of package waiting for me from her. i didn’t get a chance to open it before i woke up. i woke up feeling awful.
i want to forget her number
i forgot to decide.
whatever.
I miss carrying your heart.
hippybroblogs:
havent-got-a-prayer:
I miss the way you fell asleep with your head in my lap. I miss trying my hardest not to wake you in the morning when I got up to make coffee. I miss how you would jump onto my back when we were walking down the sidewalk. I miss the way you stuck your head out the window when we were driving really fast. I miss how you let me hold your hand at any time. I...
andymurray:
diaryofabreakup:
i might set myself a deadline.
i’ll decide by 10 pm
if don’t force myself to decide, i’ll never get anywhere.
Don’t do it bro. If she wants to talk about it, she will eventually.
that’s how i was thinking but i’m getting to the point where i don’t really care. it’s all been on her terms. i had to beg her to even talk to me to break up with me. i don’t want to...
i might set myself a deadline.
i’ll decide by 10 pm
if don’t force myself to decide, i’ll never get anywhere.